introspection

last night, my classmates and i were talking about age and what that entails. we all agreed that adding years to life can be scary. for one, the more years there is, the more responsibilities there will be and not to mention expectations. i for one expressed my fear that at my age, i might have accomplished nothing.

when i got home, i pondered on these thoughts:


1. what if, i were given a chance to redo some aspects of my life, what part would it be and why?

- i do not have a ready answer. maybe because i cannot, for the life of me, think of anything that i should change about my life. despite the "questionable" choices i have made in the past. =)


2. what, if any have i achieved?

- so far, i have a baccalaureate degree. i have been financially independent for three months (back in 2004). nah, i do not think these stuffs count.

hay.. so what have i achieved? i am inclined to believe that i am a good daughter, even when i sometimes talk back to my parents. i also think i'm a fairly good tita to my nieces and nephew.

what else? i could not say whether i'm a good friend or not.

what else? i could say that i am a submissive, patient and supportive partner to my boyfriend.

what else? i have run out of things to list down.


3. what do i hope to achieve in the next few years?

for one, the license to practice law.

second, rekindle my passion for bow and arrows.

third, reunite with my favorite authors, like gabriel garcia marquez, salman rushdie, madeleine l'engle, pearl s. buck, milan kundera, etc.

fourth, acquaint myself with the classics, like the works of tolstoy, victor hugo, homer's odyssey, mark twain, charles dickens, ernest hemingway, etc.

fifth, travel..for which i need the resources of time and money.

sixth, i am not really sure what else to add. my boyfriend have been discussing marriage but nothing definite yet. marriage scares the hell out of me. maybe because the firsthand experience i had of parenting was difficult, and even that is an understatement. foregoing a lot of opportunities foryourself because you have another person to take care of is simply ominous.


4. what is my short-term plan?

well, first is to finish law school.

second, either travel or wait for my boyfriend to come to me since he will be transferred to cavite in a month's time.

what else? haha, i could not even think a thing to add, which goes to show how indecisive i am.


5. when i come to think of these things, i feel that the child within me is being snuffed. all i am about these days are attending to "matters of consequence."

hay.. what can i say, i am a grown up, of legal age. but i am not so sure whether i like being one. sure, it has its perks..but being a kid is way less cumbersome.

i sense the symptoms of a quarterlife crisis. the incoherence, the feeling of helplessness, the ineluctable choices to make (especially pertaining to matters of consequence)...