my kuya and my ate

i come from a brood of eight. i have 3 sisters and 4 brothers. among my siblings, i relate well to my second sister and third brother. why? because they both have easy laughs even when their lives are not at all perfect. they are the ones who are smart enough to know that something or some act which can hurt is wrong. the reason that they know this is because, they have come to learn through their own experiences. i have witnessed how my parents would have rising blood temperatures over their actions/wrongdoings. but now, as time went by, they have been shaped by their experiences and i could truly say that i am proud and so happy to be related to them.

the past months have been very trying and taxing on our family. we were aghast at the idea that one who talks the talk was never able to walk the talk. it was disconcerting considering how much respect that person commands from us. well, we can never truly understand why people do what they do but at least, they should have the decency to stop talking the talk if they have no plans of walking the talk.

well, i do not know if we are already past that family problem. as for me, the emotions are still raw and fresh. just the thought of it never fails to bring tears to my eyes. from time to time, my ate and my kuya have been my shock absorber. they both would comfort me because they knew how affected i was considering the degree of closeness i had with that person. i know that when i am not preoccupied with other things, i will sit down on this one just so i could get a better hold on what happened. see, i cannot even reveal what transpired because i am still affected by it. i can only let go of the hurt if i can already purge it out of my system, which i do not have the time for yet.

at this time, i am ok. i draw strength from the people i love. my ate and kuya are there when i need someone to listen to my deep seated anger, frustrations, and pain. my boyfriend has shown me great love, understanding and support. for now, that is all i need. i could go through life knowing that that person had his own reasons for doing what he did. what i condemn about what he did, was the fact that there was no consideration at all for those who would be hurt and that there was never any showing of remonstration. as a matter of fact, that person invoked a litany of scenarios depicting the same mistake that the person did and in doing so, intended to effect what to that person is an apology, but to my mind is but the lamest excuse i have ever come across.

well, as i have said before, i will get to the eventually part. by then, i would be more sure that i had no part nor am i the cause for that person to do the mistake. what that person did was for that person's account. i take no credit for that, nor should the other members of the family.